Sleep

According to the Wikipedia entry for 'Sleep' (which refers to sleep in humans and not animals. 'Animal Sleep' is a whole separate article.)

'Sleep is a state of reduced mental and physical activity in which consciousness is altered and certain sensory activity is inhibited.'

Its s nice definition, speaks to something that we humans through the power of science have come to understand very well, and yet we still don't totally understand it. the whole question of 'Why we dream' still largely remains a mystery. Just what is our subconscious really trying to tell us? Imagine if we actually unlocked the door to those secrets!

Personally, sleep has never come easily. From preschool to primary school age I went through years of night terrors and sleep walking - though to call it sleep walking is a bit weak, it was more 'Sleep moving the furniture around in my parents dining room', because that is what I was actually doing. My parents later admitted that during my worst sleep disturbances they had to lock the front and back doors to stop me wandering off into the night.

When I got to high school, the frequency of my night disturbances reduced, and I thought that whatever it was that troubled me as a young child was behind me.

(...I never did get to the bottom of it though, and sometimes I wonder if should get a hypnotherapist, to see if they can dig it out of my subconscious mind. Then I wonder if maybe I should let sleeping dogs lie!)

My best friend took his life when I was 22, and my sleep has never really been right since - Back then sleeping was marked by bouts of no sleep, intense dreams, waking nightmares and night terrors, and then the very next two or three days I would have of 6 - 8 hours good sleep, before the night terrors continued, it was like being stuck with a psychological abuser who lived in my subconscious.

26 years ago, just in the turn of the millennium I suffered a breakdown, I was at work at the time, when my mind slipped (that is the only way I can think to describe it) those around me thought i was having a stroke, became I became verbally incoherent and collapsed - I was weakly diagnosed as having had a major depressive episode. Later in therapy I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) Essentially everything had come to a head - horrible shit from my childhood, my friends death, and it all brought me to that moment in work,

(I won't go into the why's and wherefores of everything right now, if I ever open the second Pandora's box that I locked it into, I'll think about writing something about it then.)

After the breakdown I suffered from 'Hypersomnia', at least once or twice after the initial breakdown I slept for 20+ hours , but in that first month I was sleeping for 12 hours or more, then waking up so tired that it felt like I hadn't been to sleep - so I would get up, wash, eat something, drink something, watch some TV, feed Sammy his meat in gravy (Sammy was my then 24 human year old tabby cat - who lived until he was 25 and a bit), and make sure he had a full bowl of water and biscuits and then go back to bed, and repeat. that went on for a month-ish, until the Dr put me on medication which helped to stabilise my mood, and reduce my sleep time, and help me to sleep. The main side effect of that medication was that I couldn't do anything while I was awake. It was initially a help, but it would really have not been particularly useful in the long term, and so after a few months it was changed so I wasn't a zombie during my waking hours.

Spin forward in time to present day, and I still don't sleep properly - well, its better-ish, but it is not what some people say you should have. 5.1/2 to 6 hours is a good night (for me). The last couple of nights I had 5 and a bit, 5 and a bit, and 7 hours. That is pretty good, maybe I am turning a corner, especially as the last few years it has been 4 1/2 to 5 hours.

Sadly sleep bit the bullet last night, I don't know why - I just could not fall asleep, and ended up barely having 4 hours, so I aborted my morning 12K run. Instead I dozed on and off until 8am, when I thought, "maybe I should write about Sleep.

Will this post help me to sleep any better? I doubt it, but it has been nice to put my thoughts down about the one thing that is most illusive in my life:

...Sleep!

Btw; running has improved my sleep especially in the last year, so yeah I run a lot now, so I guess there will be posts about Running here on this blog :)